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Taxation Without Indemnification

Posted by The Number Crunchers on April 18, 2023 at 2:00 PM

RE: Overdue Taxes

Dear Toontown,

We extend our most calculated greetings to you on this fateful day. We regret to inform you that, by a most unfortunate magnitude, only an unsavory 3.14159% of Toons have filed their tax returns, ever. This is simply unacceptable. To promote the importance of taxes and paperwork, we Number Crunchers have crunched away and evaluated the best solution possible to resolve this issue.


RE: Take a Memo on This

The numbers have shown us that a simple Mega-Invasion is the most appropriate course of action. We have designated the entirety of today as our dedicated ‘crunch time,’ in which we shall go overtime and take to the streets. We have found this to be the most impactful date to raise awareness, after all, today is Tax Day.

RE: Margin of Error

Regretfully, we must also inform you that you are NOT to skip our tax-math class by hiding out in one of those ‘Safe’ Districts! You are to remain fully intrigued by our educating lecture at all times. Even our most calculated Crunchers cannot crack the codes on those Districts, so stay out!

RE: Methods of Payment

Statistically, our invasion is likely to do a number on your oddly, unevenly silly streets (including Silly Street). Naturally, we have factored this in -- it is simply the price to be paid for your financial ignorance. Toons shall be permitted to pay off any debt in jellybeans, even though A: They are not crunchy, and B: The conversion rate of jellybeans to Cogbucks is approximately 1 to 2.653589 in current markets. Any outstanding payment can and will be paid in your Sadness.

Let’s break the bank and break even, Toontown. May the odds be never in your favor.


The Number Crunchers


Sorry! Comments are closed.

Comet said on April 18, 2023 at 2:04 PM
Do they realize that any taxes the Toons owed would be owed to the Toon Council instead of Cogs Inc.?

Amity said on April 18, 2023 at 2:13 PM
We will kick your metal behinds! - Sincerely, Toons

Twisted Code said on April 18, 2023 at 2:41 PM
> 2.653589 I see that reference to pi(e) and I'll raise you one cream pie in your face, Number Cruncher!

Neigh Impossible said on April 18, 2023 at 3:46 PM
Wow, I'm impressed by how well this is written! Those Number Crunchers must know a lot about math, taxes, and accounting. But it's all boring, so let's just throw some pies at them instead!

Rainbow Gilttersprinkles said on April 18, 2023 at 4:29 PM
Taxes? For what social services, Loser? Get ready for a double dose of evasion and elimination!

Silly Dinky Zippenzoop said on April 18, 2023 at 4:54 PM
I LOVE committing tax fraud!

Rollie said on April 18, 2023 at 6:41 PM
Who always does his taxes? NOT ROLLIE!

Barget Wondersnout said on April 18, 2023 at 6:49 PM
Dear Cogs, we regret to inform YOU that 3.14159% of Toons have defeated your little Crunchers with some pies to the face! Crunch on THAT!

Barget Wondersnout said on April 18, 2023 at 6:54 PM
Whoa.... so does this mean that I'm like, a millionaire in Cogbucks?!

Lionus said on April 19, 2023 at 1:42 PM
Wait, if one Jellybean is 2.653589... Cogbucks, doesn't that mean the Jellybean has more purchasing power and thus is more valuable than the Cogbuck? There really is inflation in Cog Nation!

Ginger Sparklesticks said on April 19, 2023 at 2:21 PM
Bring it on, cogs! -Sincerely, Ginger and Toons everywhere

Titanium said on April 19, 2023 at 5:03 PM
Uh oh! Are my Taxes overdue?!

Beary said on April 20, 2023 at 4:05 AM
Bring it on!

Mr. Toon said on April 20, 2023 at 5:58 PM
Number crunchers are my FAVORITE cog

Bananasnooker said on April 21, 2023 at 9:35 AM
Have you heard of the "Laffer Curve"? It's an economic term that basically means that as tax rates rise, tax revenues fall. But here's another meaning: We Toons can use our Laffs to make the Cogs' revenues fall!

Maximum Swag said on April 21, 2023 at 6:30 PM
What are Taxes??

Mischief said on April 23, 2023 at 8:20 AM
Oh wow, really tempting to pay those taxes.... NOT. Besides are you sure you want me giving you a dollar? Some can say my money is very "alluring".

Little Skippy McHopper said on April 23, 2023 at 9:14 AM
I was not aware toons would ever have to submit to cog law - what a silly little situation!

Madd Eyed Toony said on April 25, 2023 at 9:52 AM
I have an automatic eye that sees the fallacy of Number Crunchers ever mastering toons and if I ever get a notion they might find it, I will use my wand and disapparate them to the past, future and the unknown.
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