Taxation Without Indemnification
Posted by The Number Crunchers on April 18, 2023 at 2:00 PM
RE: Overdue Taxes
Dear Toontown,
We extend our most calculated greetings to you on this fateful day. We regret to inform you that, by a most unfortunate magnitude, only an unsavory 3.14159% of Toons have filed their tax returns, ever. This is simply unacceptable. To promote the importance of taxes and paperwork, we Number Crunchers have crunched away and evaluated the best solution possible to resolve this issue.
RE: Take a Memo on This
The numbers have shown us that a simple Mega-Invasion is the most appropriate course of action. We have designated the entirety of today as our dedicated ‘crunch time,’ in which we shall go overtime and take to the streets. We have found this to be the most impactful date to raise awareness, after all, today is Tax Day.
RE: Margin of Error
Regretfully, we must also inform you that you are NOT to skip our tax-math class by hiding out in one of those ‘Safe’ Districts! You are to remain fully intrigued by our educating lecture at all times. Even our most calculated Crunchers cannot crack the codes on those Districts, so stay out!
RE: Methods of Payment
Statistically, our invasion is likely to do a number on your oddly, unevenly silly streets (including Silly Street). Naturally, we have factored this in -- it is simply the price to be paid for your financial ignorance. Toons shall be permitted to pay off any debt in jellybeans, even though A: They are not crunchy, and B: The conversion rate of jellybeans to Cogbucks is approximately 1 to 2.653589 in current markets. Any outstanding payment can and will be paid in your Sadness.
Let’s break the bank and break even, Toontown. May the odds be never in your favor.
Sincerely,
The Number Crunchers
Comments
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We will kick your metal behinds! - Sincerely, Toons
> 2.653589 I see that reference to pi(e) and I'll raise you one cream pie in your face, Number Cruncher!
Wow, I'm impressed by how well this is written! Those Number Crunchers must know a lot about math, taxes, and accounting. But it's all boring, so let's just throw some pies at them instead!
Taxes? For what social services, Loser? Get ready for a double dose of evasion and elimination!
I LOVE committing tax fraud!
Who always does his taxes? NOT ROLLIE!
Dear Cogs, we regret to inform YOU that 3.14159% of Toons have defeated your little Crunchers with some pies to the face! Crunch on THAT!
Whoa.... so does this mean that I'm like, a millionaire in Cogbucks?!
Wait, if one Jellybean is 2.653589... Cogbucks, doesn't that mean the Jellybean has more purchasing power and thus is more valuable than the Cogbuck? There really is inflation in Cog Nation!
Bring it on, cogs! -Sincerely, Ginger and Toons everywhere
Uh oh! Are my Taxes overdue?!
Bring it on!
Number crunchers are my FAVORITE cog
Have you heard of the "Laffer Curve"? It's an economic term that basically means that as tax rates rise, tax revenues fall. But here's another meaning: We Toons can use our Laffs to make the Cogs' revenues fall!
What are Taxes??
Oh wow, really tempting to pay those taxes.... NOT. Besides are you sure you want me giving you a dollar? Some can say my money is very "alluring".
I was not aware toons would ever have to submit to cog law - what a silly little situation!
I have an automatic eye that sees the fallacy of Number Crunchers ever mastering toons and if I ever get a notion they might find it, I will use my wand and disapparate them to the past, future and the unknown.
Do they realize that any taxes the Toons owed would be owed to the Toon Council instead of Cogs Inc.?