Hark, Toons. We do not regret to inform you that you have fallen afoul of our schemes. Everyone knows Back Stabbers always strike in the most unexpected places, which is why you would never expect this year’s annual Back Stabber Mega-Invasion to be precisely when it was expected: the Ides of March!

I’m not the sword to double-talk, so let me get straight to the point. We’ve pierced your blog to tell you that the rambling rodent, Julius Wheezer, has evaded justice for far too long. He thinks himself impenetrable, but he’s left his back exposed. We’ve sent our keenest Cogs to hone in on him. He can shake his spear all he wants! If he insists on crossing blades with us, an entire day of backstabbing is the least of his worries. 

The prosecution will not rest until we have squeezed the Wheezer from his mouse hole. Do not test our most sharply dressed with your dull jests. No matter which way you slice it, this won’t end well for you. The more acute among you will just give up and save us all the trouble. You can trust us, it’s a clear-cut decision.

This betrayal may have you crying ‘Et tu, Lawbot?’ but as we like to say: it’s nothing personal, just business.