From Rags To Riches: The Life of Flunky
Posted by Robust Magazine on September 17, 2020 at 2:00 PM
Welcome to Mingle Mingle, the number one segment for lucrative business tips directly from the top of the corporate ladder. Your host today will be none other than The Mingler -- me! Now, you may have heard that The Flunky has won the Top-Dog Cog poll that we sent out to the Toons. I can hardly believe it myself -- what's not to like about me? Regardless, for the next 24 hours, Version 2.0 Flunkies will be invading Toontown. Today, we’ll be interviewing our fine friend, the Flunky. All the way from the bottom of the corporate ladder, against all odds, he has made it here today to tell us his story. Let’s get on with the interview.
How does it feel to be the “top-dog” Cog? What does this position entail?
I’m receiving all kinds of benefits. Aside from a considerable raise in work hours, I’m on the cover of Robust and here for this interview. Honored to be here, really. Are my glasses fogging up?
I’ve just received word that your time off for this interview will be deducted from your paycheck.
Oh... Well, I’ve still got my shiny new Version 2.0 upgrades, and my v2.0 Flunky brethren are invading all over Toontown as we speak!
You mentioned your “Flunky brethren.” What makes you different from all the other Flunkies, in that you should be here today?
I’m the spunkiest Flunk, of course! Did you know the Toons modeled their “Flunk Trunk” after me? Not only am I spunkiest, but also most productive. I’ve shredded more papers than any other Cog in Cog Nation. Nothing against the other Flunkies, though. In fact, if you see my colleagues Flunky or Flunky, be sure to let them know I said hello. Wait, will I be receiving a deduction from my salary for that?
What is life as a Flunky like?
I remember my days as a pile of scrap metal in the factory like it was yesterday... Fresh off the assembly lines, I headed straight to Cog Nation University! I flunked out a day later. I then attended Cog Community College... and flunked out a day later. My lucky break came when a Big Cheese generously offered a position as an unpaid intern! I’ve worked for him ever since.
Should’ve stayed a pile of scrap metal.
Can you tell us your plans for after this interview so we can be done already?
Of course! See, I’m not actually partaking in the Mega-Invasion personally. I have a lot of upcoming events lined up, from my speech at the Clubhouse Banquet to co-hosting a very special show afterwards. In fact--
And that was Mingle Mingle! I’m sure you’ll hear lots more boring anecdotes from Flunky in the near future. Thank you for wasting your time here today -- now get back to work.